Starting Something New

Also titled, “Challenging Negative Beliefs”.

Fact: I didn’t use my music degree for over ten years, and didn’t become a teacher for twelve after graduating. I LOVED being a music major. I loved my artistic friends, I loved learning all the in’s and out’s of music theory and making music. But I had just enough imposter syndrome that I never let myself explore what I could do and continue to learn post-college. Well, that AND the fact that “life happens.” I needed a job after college, wasn’t ready for a master’s program, and fell into an accounting position that paid the bills and provided health insurance. My husband and I moved around the country and prioritized his career, while I eventually stayed at home and raised two babies. Over 10 years after I graduated college, I had an opportunity to do some creative work in music and it felt like waking up after being asleep for forever. Being around other creatives again, re-discovering the joy of music and learning new things was incredibly LIFE-GIVING, but there were still some mental and emotional challenges to hurdle in order for me to believe I could make a living at being creative rather than just as a hobby. Even though it felt like my life finally had a direction, I was at war with myself and the negative messages many of us wrestle with, like:

“I’m too old to start something new.”
“Creative jobs don’t pay the bills.”
“Why should I have a job I love when most people seem to just tolerate theirs?”
“There are people younger than I am that are far more talented”
“What will I look like to my friends and family?”
“I suck at this.”
“My kids need me too much and I won’t find the time.”

These messages, amongst others, were so loud and they nearly de-railed me from even trying. Although kids often struggle with negative beliefs about themselves, this message is for the adult beginner. We have way more baggage and have old messages from parents, religion, culture, and more years of self-doubt and hatred to confront.

We (especially creatives) tend to judge ourselves harshly and berate ourselves for wherever we’re at versus where we want to be. Even if we don’t know where we want to be! Somehow, the next level is always out of grasp.

In order to move from this self-loathing into a place of joy and growth, we must confront these negative messages at their core. In Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, she addresses these and refers to our “inner child artist” who really wants to come out and play, but we are afraid to take them seriously. 

“With gentle, deliberate effort, they must nurture their artist child…Learning to allow themselves to play is hard work.” (Cameron 29)

She goes on to talk about how judging our early efforts is “artistic abuse” and I tend to agree. If we berated children’s efforts in art, music, writing, sports for example, and compared them to Picasso, Mozart, Shakespeare etc., they would have some serious inferiority complexes and carry the shame of never measuring up. We want and need children to be brave in their explorations, and what better way to model it than to give ourselves permission to be a beginner, to show them that learning and growing is a process to embrace.

Cameron talks about countering these negative beliefs with positive affirmations to make creating feel safe again. You must give yourself permission to be a beginner. To allow yourself to spend money on new ventures. To be kind to your inner child and trust your creative self.

Adults have to learn to re-claim this child-like mentality for themselves, or we dismiss that artist inside, quickly abandon new endeavors and remain blocked and often unfulfilled. 

Julia Cameron’s book was the first that helped me on my un-blocking journey. Confronting imposter syndrome and those negative core beliefs about myself opened my world to continuing to learn and grow, have acceptance and love for where I’m at and the knowing that we don’t get to where we want to be overnight. There is joy in the learning.

Another book that changed my life is Mastery, by Robert Greene. In it, Greene explores the various paths that people have used to discover, develop and master their calling in life. At one point, even Mozart was a beginner and had influences and practices in his life to nurture his creative self.

“Think of it this way - There are two kinds of failure. The first comes from never trying out your ideas because you are afraid, or because you are waiting for the perfect time. This kind of failure you can never learn from, and such timidity will destroy you. The second kind comes from a bold and venturesome spirit. If you fail in this way, the hit that you take to your reputation is greatly outweighed by what you learn. Repeated failure will toughen your spirit and show you with absolute clarity how things must be done. In fact, it is a curse to have everything go right on your first attempt…You have everything to gain (through failure).” (Greene 84)

My guess is that you’re a beginner in SOMETHING, even if it isn’t music or piano. It could be making sourdough bread, starting a business, or growing houseplants, or letting your child teach you something they’re passionate about. There isn’t failure, just the learning process! My encouragement to you today is to give yourself permission to try and try again. Find a friend to talk to, or a mentor to guide you or just someone who knows that thing a little better than you do. Don’t let yourself get discouraged before you even start. Be patient, practice your new skills, and trust the process.

Love, Sara

P.S. You can find Robert Greene’s book HERE and Julia Cameron’s book HERE.